Tuesday 25 November 2014

Laos part 1

5 things I know about Laos:

1 - It's one of those hilarious 'democratic' countries. People's Democratic Republic of Laos or something like that.
2 - I can point to it on a map
3 - Uhhh
4 - Pass
5 - I said the map thing, right?

Ok, I know a little bit more than that. I know it has mountains. It's the most heavily bombed country in the world.

I know that I'm at the border, and I guess that's the flag. I know it's a place I need to go through.

All I have really heard about Laos in the past is an assortment of vague murmurings from other people that it's good.

So the entry. Required a fair amount of bribing. I'm sorry, I mean to say that there were lots of fees to be paid. The Cambodian guards weren't nearly as persuasive as the Laotians though.

Cambodian Border Guard: Give me $2.
M: For what?
CBG: For Saturday.
M: What does Saturday need with $2?
CBG: Ok, you can go.




You know a country is going to be good when the border post is essentially a farm.

It was a lot further to the border from where I spent the previous night than I thought. Also the last bit of the road on the Cambodian side looked like this. Believe it or not this used to be tarmac.


Guess Cambodia doesn't consider Laos to be a strategic trading partner.

So by the time I got through the post it was getting fairly late in the day. Thankfully the road in Laos was perfect in every sense of the word.

The first stop was a place called 4000 islands. It's right next to the border, a collection of countless islands (actually, probably about 4000 of them) in the Mekong River. This is a place that everybody raves about. Except I couldn't remember the name of the island I was meant to be going to. So I ended up going to the wrong one.

Also I somehow missed the gigantic, brand new bridge leading to the island. Even though at one point I was at the end of the bridge looking across it to the other side I somehow ended up taking a 'ferry' instead.



I spent a couple of nights on Don Khong wondering where everybody else was. If everybody, literally everybody who has been to Laos talks about how amazing this island is how could they possibly know since obviously nobody ever comes here.

Eventually I worked out my mistake and moved down to Don Det, the place I was trying to get to originally.



I tried to get down there by island hoping but after discovering this thing decided it was best to go back to the mainland (across the bridge this time) and take a proper ferry. Probably good since the owner of this particular death trap looked like he was entering cardiac arrest when I told him I wanted to get me and the Tranny to the other side of the water.



I got to the town where the ferries to Don Det leave from only to discover that it's only a passenger ferry. I wasn't really enthusiastic about the idea of abandoning the Tranny on the mainland while I went off to the island so was considering just going somewhere else when a bloke turned up. He said that the vehicle ferry went from a bit further along the shore.



This slope was very, very steep. It doesn't come out in the picture.
I spent a very long time trying to tell the guy how heavy the Tranny is, trying to make sure that the weight was ok. But thanks to the language barrier he though I was trying to haggle the price (he refused to budge). Eventually I decided that we weren't going to get anywhere and just rode on. Boarding was ok but on the other side I rode down the plank of slipperiness only to have the back wheel break it in half. Told him it was heavy. Oh well, with the amount he charged me I'm sure he can afford to buy a new one.




Finally I had made it to the right place.

I've learnt something else about Laos - time has no meaning here.

I'm not entirely sure how but I think I managed to spend about a week here. And I have no idea what I did. All I know for certain is that most things involved either Reggae bar or the cinema next door. Some things happened, but the pictures probably speak for themselves.





I was riding around one day and found a fork in the road. I picked one only to run into this.


So I went back and chose the other only to run into this.


So I turned around.







I was going to leave the day after I went kayaking but the next morning I woke up with a slight twinge in my shoulder so decided it would be best to go back to the cinema and watch the Lego Movie and The Inbetweeners 2 for the 10 trillionth time that week. It was the only sensible thing to do, I mean, better safe than sorry, right? Who knows what would have happened had I tried to ride a motorbike that day.

With 25% of the visa already used and only about 25km actually ridden in Laos it was time to go. Back on the ferry that only managed to stay afloat because someone on board has a bucket and is constantly shovelling water out of the bottom.

Except that the night before it rained very heavily so getting back on to the mainland was a nightmare. For some reason they pulled in to the 'harbour' with the bike pointed out to the river. They claimed I should turn it around on board then ride off. They of course didn't really understand that the Tranny has a turning circle the size of Saturn's orbit so that was out of the question. So I forced them to drive the boat out out a bit, turn around and come back again.

The rain the night before had destroyed what little existed of the muddy slope of doom. But before I even got to that there was the quicksand of death now visible thanks to the river's water level inexplicably dropping. It was less than graceful but I made it to the top eventually and did the only thing possible after that. Went to the bar with the ferry driver at 10:30 for beer.

Thing number 2 I've learnt about Laos. BeerLao. Dirt cheap and extremely drinkable.





Back to the tarmac. Other riders who have been to Laos have gone on and on and on about dirt roads, about how 80% of the roads in Laos are unsealed. That just conjures up images of the sealed roads being massively degraded and in worse shape than the unsealed ones. But the main roads in Laos are exellent - a product mostly of the Chinese who are pouring millions into infrastructure projects in less developed countries around the world but particularly in its neighbours.


There is very little traffic in Laos. Even on route 13, the most major road in the country stretching all the way north to south. Almost nobody here has a car, particularly in the more rural areas, everyone has a scooter. So the Tranny attracts a lot of attention.


I stopped for the night in a town called Pakse only to hear about some place nearby up in the mountains where they grow a lot of coffee. Not really a coffee drinker but I like the idea of mountains.


Mekong river, still absolutely massive 800km upstream from the delta.



And waterfalls. Lots of waterfalls. Although after a while I couldn't be bothered paying for entry any more so just carried on riding instead.








This was such a welcome change from the sweat box down by the river. You don't have to go up very high before the humidity disappears and you are free to enjoy spectacular scenery without drowning in sweat. I ended up in a town called Tadlow that night which I enjoyed so much I stayed for a second night as well. With some family in a homestay. Lovely home cooked food and a strangely welcoming attitude to unfamiliar animals.

M: What are your dogs called?
Homestay Bloke (can't remember his name): Don't know.
M: You don't know you own dogs names?
HB: No, they're not mine.
M: Not yours? But they're playing with your extremely young children.
HB: Yeah, they seem to enjoy it. Sometimes I give them food.
M: Huh.

Various pigs, cows, water buffalo and friends would all drop in from time to time. There was also somebody's pet monkey which I only caught sight of once. Another couple staying there had nicknamed him Fenton because of his penchant for breaking into their room and tearing down the mosquito net.




Tadlow homestay
Before getting back to the main road and heading down to the Mekong again I though I should go south out of the village to take a quick look at the mountains. Then I enjoyed it quite a lot so just carried on riding.




Thing number a lot that I've learnt about Laos. School. It seems every child goes to school. Hang on a second...Laos is a very poor country, the poorest in the region I think. In other places I've been with this sort of level of wealth it seems that a lot of children don't ever go to school. There's probably lots of reasons, the parents can't afford to pay for school, they're needed to work on the family business, whatever else. But this is something very, very noticeable in Laos, I guess at least primary education is state funded and required for everyone. Also families in Laos tend to be very big. So if you happen to be out and about at the right time, even in the most remote parts of the country, you go around a corner to be confronted by a sea of children all walking to or from school. I don't know the quality of the education they receive but it is really good to see them all getting something.

Of course, kids are always curious no matter where in the world they're from.





The tarmac long ago had turned into concrete then turned into the red dirt the comprises most of the country. By now it was raining, mud or wet, flat rocks were everywhere and it was very, very, very slippery. More than several times both the wheels lost grip going around a corner. Those are definitely brown trouser moments. Thankfully the mud covers everything up.


But I remember my training from Cambodia and when faced with something like this just aimed for the water, opened up the throttle and hoped for the best. It worked.

And it's funny looking back. That time a few weeks earlier in the Elephant Mountains when I got stuck and had to be rescued by passing strangers, then I was not by any definition enjoying myself. I can still remember the small panic attack I brought upon myself. But now, faced with something that by all rights was far worse and more challenging I just couldn't care less. I was having a great time. Still terrified of crashing on mud though.


Oops.

True to my word I didn't care. About 10 seconds after I took this picture some other bloke turned up, helped me pick up the tranny and I was off again. Smiling away.

And I promise you, crashing on mud is the thing I am scared about more than anything else.




But before long I made it off the mud and back to tarmac, somehow the road that I had come in on a few days earlier.

Things are getting worse. Here I am worrying about running out of visa/customs time and I'm now going backwards. Got to get moving in the right direction.

I put in some serious distance and made it to Vientiane in two days. The scenery along the way was fairly samey - the south seems to be mostly low lying agriculture. Lots of rice paddys. Lots of water buffalo. Lots of school kids racing around on mopeds.




Laotian Hell's Angels
I actually had to turn around for this.



Did anyone ever see Secondhand Lions? On seeing this all I could think about was the final scene in that film.

Tree transportation system
Into Vientiane. Weirdest capital city ever. I mean, it just doesn't feel like a capital city. You come in, the outskirts feel like any other mid sized town in Laos. Then suddenly you get to the river, the closest thing Vientiane has to a centre, and that's it.

It just, odd.

But I love this city. I've heard mixed things but I think it's the laid back-ness that appeals to me. Most capital cities and frantic, crowded, too much pollution and I can only stand to be there for a few days at most. But Vientiane just felt like a small town. It was obviously the most prosperous place in Laos but that didn't really seem to matter.







This is the national symbol of Laos, but to be honest it was a little disappointing. It was just dirty and seemed unmaintained. Not really what you expect from a national symbol. Personally I think there are much better things that Laos should use instead, but I'll come on to that later.



Statue of the king facing out over the river towards Thailand.
Take a guess what this building is.



Nope. It's the presidential palace. Remember that Laos is a communist dictatorship. An yet this is where the president lives. I saw it on the way in to the city and had it down as a government building but never guessed that it was a palace. It just didn't feel palace-y. Just understated (but that's a good thing).

Although, this is a military museum.


Could you possibly guess what kind of government they have here?

I said it was laid back, but I should probably elaborate.

There are all the usual things that you expect in South East Asia, I mean the not so good stuff. But it seems to be less of a big deal here.

 There are the tuk tuk drivers hanging around waiting to charge you 10x the correct fair. The offer you services but if you say 'no' they don't take that as an invitation to follow you down the street shoving menus in your face. Actually, most of them aren't even conscious most of the time. They string a hammock up in the back and spend most of the day asleep.

The only time (apart from borders) where I encountered a blatant scam in Laos was in Vientiane. Some guy tried the old 'my niece is moving to Bristol next month' routine but I picked up on it straight away. I managed to change the subject to Cambodia and told him all about how the dishonesty of people in Siem Reap had tainted my opinion of Cambodians (I did exaggerate quite a bit). He looked a little dejected and didn't want to talk after that.

The night market that sets up on the waterfront is obviously tourist centred, but somehow doesn't feel like it. Normally they are massively hectic places but here it was just like a Sunday afternoon stroll in the park.




But on to the absolute best thing in Vientiane, possibly the best thing in the entire world.


"It's an Arc de Triomphe", you say. "So what? Many cities all over the world have similar monuments."

True, but none quite like this one.

See, Laos used to be a French colony. When they gained independence they obviously wanted to celebrate in some way. And what better way than to build an Arc de Triomphe which is slightly taller and fancier than the one in Paris.

But wait, it gets better.

Laos has had enormous trouble in recent decades and didn't really have the materials to build their vision. But when the Americans gave the Laos government a load of concrete to build a new runway at Vientiane airport the government saw and took the opportunity. Rather than use that concrete to carry out the desperately needed work on the runway they built the Arc de Snub instead.

But wait, it gets better.

Because once it was finished they decided they didn't like it any more and stuck this sign at the bottom of it.



Now I'm a proud Briton. There are two things in this world that I love: tea, and insulting the French. So this sort of thing is right up my street.


I've never done that




A while back when I was heading up to that coffee growing region I said that I wasn't a coffee drinker. Well, that appears to have changed somewhat. In fact by this point I had become completely hooked on iced coffee which seems to be available everywhere for not very much money. This, for some reason, appears to be the first sign that a place is falling victim to western influence - that the streets are now lined with coffee shops.

Still, last morning in Vientiane. I indulged my newest addiction of coffee by the river before heading off.




On the ride up to Vientiane I had started noticing mountains in the distance but I hadn't quite made it that far yet. This was the thing that I really knew about Laos, and the thing I was looking forward to the most.